36. A Recipe for the Christmas Pudding

for Anna & Jamie & Nick & Jeanette & anyone else

OK, then, first a date

(unusual for a recipe

                      but

we’re heading for that one day when

we know he wasn’t born instead

our good old friends Sol Invictus so

                                     we must

stir up

        we beseech thee O unknown lord

the wills of thy faithful people

that they

plenteously bringing forth the fruit of good works

may of these be plenteously rewarded

through birth in the midst of winter

& the real promise of new life:

weeping & laughter

                   Amen.[1]

A mass of stuff for this you need of course

some ordinary but often crunching

                        smelling of the sun

                        in midst of our drabness

                                 110 g plain flour

                                 175 g suet

                                       vegetable works just as well!

                                       and is, of course, what

                                       I always use these days

                                 120 g slightly stale white bread

                                 110 g sugar

                                       – demerara or muscovado

                                       either!

                                       but must be richly fragrant

                                 100 g plump raisins

                                 50 g sultanas

                                 115 g various uncut candied peels

                                 50 g glacé cherries

                                     – undyed and undying please!

                                 50 g dried figs (may be soft!)

                                 50 g blanched almonds

                                 ¼ tsp mixed spice

                                 ¼ tsp ground nutmeg

                                       (could be if you prefer fresh ground)

                                 up to ¼ tsp mixed ground ginger

                                             & ground cloves

                                 ½ tsp salt

                                       – for savour![2]

                                 2 medium eggs

                                 75 ml milk (may be more)

                                 & good dark rum at hand[3]

                                 + a little butter to grease the pot

Familiar things first:

 grate fiercely the bread into crumbs

 slice up finely the peel

 (no healing or salvation

 in ready cut tubs)

 halve the cherries & rinse

 to return them to the state of grace

 then destalk & cut into 3 pieces the figs

We rise in joy

backwards & forwards

backwards & forwards[4]

in one big bowl

suet & crumb plus sifted flour

sugar then dried fruit

spice and salt at last

backwards & forwards

backwards & forwards

and in another bowl

beat the eggs well

and add the milk

and half a glass of rum

backwards & forwards

backwards & forwards

stir the wet into the dry

(adding more rum

                 – or milk for the faint hearted!

if it seems not moist & dark enough

saying silently all your Christmas wishes

for all this poor old world[5]

It isn’t fresh is the surprise

let it all rest quietly under a tea towel

in a cool place until tomorrow

– two days of pleasure!

Familiar situation here the next

– to butter a large pudding basin

giving room at the top for it all to rise

then spoon in the mixture[6]

                           covering, note, in an adult fashion:

one layer greased baking paper & two of foil

put in a pleat like a shirt back across

tie it around the basin’s rim firmly w/ string

& loop it across to the other side

for a handle to raise up at last

There is a poem

                & the pudding is in it

but it is a very mediated situation

needing a very large pan (to stand for the world)

in its bottom the trivet of faith

(failing that the upturned saucer of dogma)

this fill quite high w/ water & boil

when that becomes a turbulent & dangerous landscape

lower in the basin

                   – letting the covers not be defiled w/ water

& get it to a steady simmer with a lid over the pan

this situation needs checking & supporting - boiling kettles!

                                             keep up the watch

                                             this is alchemy, not a game

five long hours there is the pan

& the pudding in it – what a situation!

The covers will prove inadequate, end up

boiled raw. Prepare another set

at five hours pull out the pudding

                                   – with conscious care!

remove the old & replace with the new

like re-dressing an open wound

It rests then until Christmas Day

like some dormant grub or larva in a cool dry place

(we put ours outside in a shed next to the house

– something inconceivable & grotesque

                                      – unless you think again:

this is religious ritual

not sad & ludicrous as they often are

but suffused with & suffusing familiar pleasures

Finally, then, your family

    your feast

    your fantasy

                            for just two hours simmer as before

                            - turn off the heat at once

                            lift out the basin

                            uncover at once!

                            slide a knife or palette knife around

                            put a large shallow dish on top

                            & invert

                                     – for this is a feast of inversion, yes?

                            then serve

                                       ceremonial as a pie[7]

                                       & they are all

                                       laughing together

[I got this recipe from Caroline Conran[8], (no, not Superwoman!) who claimed for it a royal pedigree dating from George I. I am not convinced. Anyway, I’ve livened up the ingredients to prevent a Hanoverian stodge, so they’re as they always used to be in my childhood pudding, and it’s now I claim ancestral and traditional – I pass it on for you to improve & make as you wish.]

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[1] Adapted (you may know) from the Collect for the Last Sunday after Trinity – the fourth in November usually – which gives us Stir Up Sunday, celebrated still in The Archers, as the date for your Christmas baking (included in this always the pudding)

[2] Or Saviour!

[3] Don’t worry, Anna & Jeanette, all alcohol is distilled off with no trace but the rum’s dark sweet taste

[4] “bak+forth”

[5] That useful unknown god required again

[6] I haven’t added money or any trinkets – they are an excessive touch – let the food just give pleasure & nourishment, to body and mind or soul

[7] If you want it flaming – pour on some brandy, and at once warm a large spoonful a little over a match, then light it & spill it out over the pudding, and bring in to dimmed light. It burns blue. And a sprig of holly is good as well, burning or not.

[8] Caroline Conran, British Cooking (Park Lane Press, 1978 – tho’ branded by St Michael on the spine)